Mags: Little black books

You know the kind of friend you meet up with for coffee once in a while only to come away feeling dejected, anxious and down on yourself EVERY time you do, which leads you to question why you bother, but because you have the memory of a goldfish or believe they might change their awfulizing ways, you keep going back for more? Well, right now, a few too many glossy magazines are the personification of that friend.

To wit, last night I read marie claire's November issue and UK ELLE's October issue, and both left me feeling dark and deflated. I had two Tim Tams, meditated and delved into my Bible to anesthetise my angst. And I still woke up with a depression hangover. I'm getting anxious just thinking about writing this.

It's not all the fault of the glossies, of course, as they're essentially a reflection of the feminine Zeitgeist. And said Zeitgeist is apparently not in a happy place. But it has made me wonder about the role the glossies play in creating this culture of woe-is-us doom, and why more of them don't do more to uplift the spirits of their readers. Reality is one thing, and sharing in our suffering can be a comfort, but could we possibly be pulled out of this rut with a little positive reinforcement rather than perpetuating the idea that life sucks?

Both magazines feature the results of reader surveys. ELLE's are accompanied by the headline, "Heaven Knows We're Miserable Now..." and reveal that in the past six months 70% of readers have felt unhappy, 63% have suffered low self-esteem, 61% have felt unappreciated and 59% have felt lonely. These results are supported by more statistics which reveal anxiety disorders are on the rise, binge drinking is a major problem and happy pill prescriptions are up. Writer Sally Brampton, who herself suffers depression, addresses the causes of the issues (the happiness myth; the perfection myth; living a lie; loneliness; comparison syndrome; negative self-talk; great expectations; choice paralysis) and even provides solutions, including telling our inner critics to shut-up, counting our blessings and helping others. But all this positive sentiment is overwhelmingly drowned out (even contradicted) by the magazine's other content (talk about 'Little Black Books'!), including:

- images of super-skinny catwalk models;
- fashion you can't afford and trends you need now;
- Celia Walden's opinion piece, 'Why can't we strop drinking?', which addresses the binge drinking issue that pervades British society but takes a non-judgemental, sympathetic stance;
- Susie Boyt's piece on 'Comfort Shopping', which is a small comfort, but essentially glosses over our need for it;
- the profile of bad-boy Pete Doherty, 'This Charming Man', through which we get a sense of his immense talent matched by his immense capacity for self-destruction;
- 'Murder On The Dance Floor' by 'anonymous', a tale of one party girl's antics, AA experience, and subsequent estrangement from her mum and dad (she eventually reconciles);
- Lily Allen, whose wise-girl lyrics are full of hearty cynicism and is deeply insecure despite her stratospheric success;
- 'Living with the enemy' which pits us against the sun and our hormones in the ageing, pigmentation and acne war;
- 'inch-loss treatments' promising to help us slim down quickly;
- and ads like the one for Maybelline's new Pulse Perfection mascara ("transform each lash to perfection").

There are some fun fashiony articles in this London Fashion Week special which momentarily uplift the spirits (see the Lily Cole 'beauty lowdown', 'ELLE's London Little Black Book', Lorraine Candy's Christopher Kane profile, fashion historian Caryn Franklin's extended CV, Christopher Bailey's culture picks and John Galliano's 'London Pride'), but I'm still left feeling as bleary as a rainy London day.

In response to Marie Claire's 'What Women Want' survey results, anonymous writes: "I found the Marie Claire survey results rather depressing. I think society puts a lot of pressure on women in terms of having the 'ideal' body, work life and home life, while it just lets men be whoever they want to be. Not fair. Also, I do find the survey results rather redundant and not very empowering. I mean, why didn't Marie Claire ask women about what social practices or tools would/does make their life better? It would be a more constructive and interesting read, rather than "most women feel under pressure". Well, no kidding, Sherlock – we already knew that!"

It's a sentiment I share. marie claire is obviously a hot seller, and it's esteemed for its worldly ways, but by golly it's a downer to read. The 'What Women Wants' pages overwhelm us with statistics and quotes from women who are tapped into the Zeitgeist, while Libbi Gorr writes 'Love Vs Career', which suggests we're returning to 1950s values when it comes to marriage and relationships and warns single women over the age of 35 that their chances of partnering up are "slim". Choosing your career can mean missing the relationship boat, so don't be too picky or you might find yourself single AND childless with rotten egg(s) on your face. We're also confronted by pages of naked headless women (be wary if reading on public transport!) who talk about their body image, which is never a particularly positive topic. 'The Age Of Anxiety' introduces us to three women from the same family, the youngest who feels pressure to reach a high standard of living.

Between the Reese Witherspoon cover and SK-II back cover, you'll also find:
- the harrowing story of Jaycee Lee Dugard, 'How did the authorities miss this?';
- 'Viva la Divas', a photographic spread of fierce femmes of the music world;
- a world report on the trend for hiring fake people to populate your life's events in Japan, which as a society based on the idea of saving face is suffering deeply behind closed doors;
- a feature on the Brad/Ange/Jennifer saga by Shane Watson which concludes: "It's the story of all our lives, only bigger, faster and more picturesque."
- 'The Widow of Wall Street', the story of Ruth Madoff, who's on New York's "most hated list" after her husband was convicted of financial fraud and estranged from most of her family;
- 'Who is Monica Mayhem?', which introduces us to an Aussie porn star who found confidence in being told she was beautiful on set and warns aspiring porn stars to "think about the future and your relationship with your friends and family";
- 'Inside Rehab', one recovered drug addict's inside story of losing herself and her family's trust;
- 'Body Beautiful', a swimsuit spread which takes its cue from the '80s and looks not unlike the Jennifer Hawkins cover of Harper's BAZAAR;
- pages of gorgeous, 'show stopping' models;
- 'Save Your Skin - 3 ways to look younger for longer';
- and the life story of 'Notorious B.I.G. Bay Boy of Rap' to close the issue.

Again, there are moments of light (quite literally in 'How to be a shooting star', which suggests you use a flash during the daytime to create more flattering photos), including pages of pretty bikinis and smiley models, but they're eclipsed by the darker side of editorial.

While the likes of Glamour, O The Oprah Magazine and other distinctly more positive titles* are gifting us with positively spun editorials, other mags could do better to lift their game in the spirit of generosity and female solidarity. Like the friend who's a constant bummer, readers might start to turn away if they start sensing things aren't going to get better.

We all know life isn't always going to be rosy. But there is always a silver lining. Perhaps if more mainstream women's glossies started celebrating people leading good lives, encouraged us to look at the bright side and count our blessings and stopped dwelling on depressing statistics that tell us we're a bunch of sad sacks, things would start to look up from the newsstand? And I could get back to 'finding the good in gloss'. Or is it the point of women's mags to make us feel so bummed that we go to the shops to soothe our spirits with the lovely things they advertise from their pages?

Glossy rating: 2 for both. "Preserve your self-esteem and buy a sweet treat instead."

*Please do weigh in with your "positive title" suggestions!

Yours truly,
Girl With a Satchel